Thursday, February 17, 2011

  It's clear from the previous post that yesterday was not a good day. It was a day when everything I did was like going against the current (See this related post.). Like I was carrying around an extra burden of weight (Oh yeah, I was. In the form of 16 cute chubby baby lbs.).

 Lately I've felt as though the weather has been a perfect example of how I feel. The past few days have been the warmest in a long time, but forecasters predicted a snow storm last night and in the upcoming days. There was a calm before the storm.

 Yesterday, as I sat in the Burb waiting for Sassafras to get out of school, the sky had a relaxing gray hue and the wind built to a hefty gust. I watched my daughter exit the school and push against the wind, her beautiful blond hair whipping around her face. I thought to myself, "I feel like that. Like today my actions are met with windy resistance."

  Sassafras went to our designated meeting place. She didn't know I was there and I had the chance to watch her without her knowing (One of my favorite things to do as a parent.). As she waited, she did something I didn't expect. She set down her back pack, unzipped her coat, opened her arms wide, and let the wind catch inside her jacket. She lifted her head to the sky, closed her eyes, and started spinning in the wind with a giant (and partially gummy) grin on her face. She seemed completely oblivious to the other school kids milling around her. For a long time she just spun, carefree in the wind. My words don't paint a sufficient picture to express the peace and joy she emitted. In that moment, she was in her own little world.

  A friend approached her to say hi which shook her from her windy ride and me from my day dream. I realized I had a huge grin on my face too. I think I felt more peace just living through her in that moment than she did in actually experiencing it. It was just another care free moment in the wind for her. Another metaphor dawned on me. She played in the resistance of the wind while I struggled against it.

 I can forecast my personal storms with great accuracy. There are stress factors that build up to it. I usually have a period of good days where I handle the no sleep, fussy baby, and busy schedule well. But, after some time, it gets to me and depression and anxiety creep in. It started getting to me yesterday and I predicted a giant emotional storm today, but, guess what?... It didn't come.

  When the Hubby came home from work yesterday he asked me, "How was your day?" I proceeded to calmly express my day of struggles. He said, "Well, let me take the baby while you relax in a bath and then you can take a nap." The bath was great, but the nap didn't go so well so I got out of the house for a bit (An action that works miracles for me.). I came home renewed and was further improved from a good night's sleep last night (The awesome Hubby took baby duty all him!).

  Today I feel like I am care free in the wind. Some stress factors are still there, but bring it on because I will just lift my head to the wind and smile (You can too. You can even spin a little if you want. Go ahead...No one is looking.).

PS- Just because I love you, here is a sexy picture of me blowing in the wind.

Sassafras, me, and the Commander at top of
light house in Hilton Head. 2007.
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