LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX BABY (Again, a post not for the prudes.).

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I ask my husband a lot of questions throughout the course of a day. My questions are diverse while his answers all run along the same line. Here are a few examples. "What do you want for breakfast?" I say to the Hubby. "You know what I want," he replies with mischief in his eyes. "Where should we go for our date?" I might ask him. "To the bedroom," he states without batting an eye. As I dish ice cream for the kids I'll inquire of the Hubby, "Would you like some dessert?" "Yes, you," he says casually (I swear he is possessed by the spirit of Austen Powers.). Naturally, when I ask my husband, "What should I write on my blog tomorrow?" His answer is "Sex." He's really serious this time. He continues, "It's important to talk about. I think you should Jody."

I had a conversation about sex recently with a gal pal. She asked me if my antidepressant medication suppressed my libido. She was considering switching medications and was concerned about this. Why do you think she was concerned? Because, her life is busy, tiring, and stressful which already suppresses her libido. She didn't want a medication to make it worse knowing her husband is in major mojo mode all the time (I'm sure she experiences the same Austin Powers-like banter with her hubby that I do with mine. Yeah, baby.).

I have five sisters, my husband has five sisters, and I have many good girl friends. So, these sex talks happen quite frequently. Usually, it's a one on one conversation (not something you post on a blog:). But, sex is extremely important in a relationship so I'm going to blog about it (Are you really that shocked? Come on...I'll talk about anything.).

The majority of women I talk to are rarely in the mood for sex. They are either in mommy mode, super busy, or extremely tired. All of which are major romance killers. It seems that most relationships are not equally yoked when it comes to sex drive (Though more rare, I recognize the woman can be the one with more mojo.).

So, let's summon Dr. Ruth, the literal grandmother of love advice, and hash this out.

I think I'm going to get this book
and review it.
Since my husband suggested I blog about this, I suggested he provide some advice. Here it is in his own words.

1) A couple should spend 20-30 minutes every 2-3 days engaged intimately. This is the exercise needed to keep your relationship healthy.

2) Don't reject a sexual approach. Instead, if you aren't feeling up for intimacy, acknowledge the person's needs, set a time frame for when you can spend "time" together, and then make sure you follow through.

3) Routine gets boring. Try new things.

4) If your partner is generally open with you, but then goes into a "cave", congratulations, you have someone who loves you. If your partner withdrawals it's probably because they don't want to nag you for intimacy. They go into their cave so as not to burden you. When this happens this person is probably feeling rejected and may not want intimacy right away. They need to feel promoted back to important to you first (See number 2).

Well said hubby. Okay, my turn.

1) Most importantly, if you don't feel like it, do it anyway. Even if you aren't in the mood, intimacy with your partner will only bring you closer and make you both happier.

2) If you are feeling frisky, make sure you approach your partner at an opportune time (Not when they are holding a baby, on the phone, or any number of inconvenient moments).

3) Spell out your needs to one another. Everyone communicates differently and you may assume your communication was clear when it was like a foreign language to the recipient. Don't beat around the bush. Flat out say, "I need some lovin' soon or else I'm going to go crazy." Yup, I think that will do the trick.

4) Recognize each other's challenges and appreciate the effort of one another.

5) Men, women need romance (No, sex does not = romance.). It's harder for a woman to just immediately be in the mood and she usually won't want intimacy if you haven't made efforts to be emotionally close to her. Even when you're married you both need to court (Wow, that's an old word. I really am channeling Dr. Ruth.) each other.

6) Be the bigger person. There will be times when everyone feels like, "Why should I make the effort when they aren't?" Because, your partner is worth it. Trust me friends, if you want to feel valued, show your partner that they are valued and you will get 10 fold back.

I challenge you to surprise your partner today with some "time" together. Feel free to post your mojo making ideas as a comment on this post, on the DHBH Facebook page (Don't forget to like the page and share with your friends), or email me at jodylong82@gmail.com. Good luck bringin' the sexy back!

PS-I'm still debating the DHBH book club book so keep your opinions coming. Thanks!


  1. Oh Jody,
    How I love reading your blog posts, they are often silly, and thought provoking, but I think reading them makes me miss you even more :P

  2. You might advise men not to get "frisky" when you are trying to make dinner with a very sharp knife in your hands. Could cause injury. Keep up the good work!


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