Thursday, February 24, 2011

I will occasionally describe myself as a Momzilla. A humanoid monster I involuntarily transform into under certain circumstances. An alter ego of myself.

This evolution from normal mom to Momzilla takes place when I feel protective of my kids.This change is invisible to the naked eye, but internally, Momzilla awakes. Let me give you an example.

The Hubby and I had taken our kid's to their friend's birthday party at an indoor activity center. A building full of giant inflatable slides, bounce houses, mazes, and various other games. They could jump around to their hearts content...or so I thought.

As I sat talking with other parents, my daughter ran up to me crying and said (with a large red mark on her face), "A little girl kicked me in the face." I told Sassafras it was probably an accident (It was a room full of kids hopped up on sugar and literally bouncing off the walls and every other surface. Someone was bound to get kicked in the face.). "No! It was on purpose! She is a big bully." I rolled my eyes and said, "Okay, I'm sorry you got hurt. Go play and  have fun."

A few minutes later Sassafras reappears carrying my screaming son. His eye is red and swollen. "What happened?" I ask. Sassafras tells me, "That same big bully girl punched the Commander right in the eye! On purpose! I told you mommy."

I calmed the Commander down and asked Sassafras to point out the girl to me. She pointed to a stout girl around seven years old poised atop the highest blow-up slide. Bully girl was pushing kids aside in preparation for her ride to the bottom. I've seen a lot of ill behaved kids in my time, but I've never seen a child so deliberately brutal.

Then it happened. I could feel my blood start to boil as my kid's tears fueled my transformation. I led my kid's to the Hubby in preparation for a talk with this little girl's mother.

I watched this bully of a girl approach a woman who must have been her mom. The girl was a mini-me of her momma. Both were tall, stout, gruff, and foaming at the mouth (Okay, not really foaming at the mouth, but I wouldn't have been surprised.).

There went my plan to talk with the mother. I'm not intimidated easily, especially in Momzilla mode, but this mom was scary! I could also tell by her interaction with her daughter that my approach wouldn't make a difference. This little girl was entitled.

Plan B crept into my monster mind. It was risky, but I would do it.

I picked the perfect spot to implement my plan. It was the only inflatable that had a blind spot to this girl's rabid mom's line of sight. I crept into position as quietly as a ninja and waited. Finally, this girl came behind the chosen inflatable and began to climb on. I grabbed her foot interrupting her assent and called my kid's over. She stood with her arms crossed defiantly. I sweetly said, "Did you kick my daughter and punch my son?" She squirmed and barked, "No." Sassafras said, "You are lying. You hurt us." I knelt down, looked into her demon eyes, and said "You and I both know that you did hurt my kids and you've been pushing kids around all night. But, you're not going to do that anymore are you?" "She shook her scared head in agreement (You see, her demon eyes were no contest for the Momzilla stare)." "Now say your sorry," I demanded.

As my blood cooled, I returned to normal mom. I talked to the bully again, "Now that you are going to be nice, would you like to play with my kids?" "Sure," she said with surprise on her face. As she looked hesitantly at my daughter, Sassafras held out her hand and smiled, "Let's go play."

They all ran off together and had a great time. Throughout the night this little girl would glance at me from time to time. "Yes, I'm still watching you," I thought to myself with an evil smile.

Play date with my kids anyone?

PS- As a follow-up to yesterday's sex post, here is a picture my friend sent me of something her and her husband do to keep things fun. The sign hanging above the bed says (Sorry, it's hard to read.), "Let's get it on." They hang it in different spots in the house from time to time. I love it! Thanks Lyndsay R.


1 comment:

  1. I think everyone has a momzilla moment, mess with my kids and you mess with me... However knowing myself I would have probably thrown that mother down in one of the bouncy houses and wrestle her down... ahahaha. You are a great mommy.


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