Monday, May 23, 2011

At approximately 2:15 am, I knew today was going to be a challenge. I won't go into the details of my struggle with sleep last night, just know, it was bad.

So, I hit snooze on my alarm twice and ended up with five minutes to get Sassafras ready for school. She couldn't be late for car pool because I didn't have a car to take her if she missed her ride. So, I rushed her so much that she started to cry. I felt horrible that I had to send her off to school that way (and without breakfast I might add).

As she shut the door, I just stood there feeling guilty and tired...very tired. My day had just begun and I felt overwhelmingly defeated. "How am I supposed to get anything done when I feel this way?" I thought.

I laid on the living room floor (I have no couch, remember?) and the baby boss sat near my feet chewing on my pants while the Commander watched cartoons. I seriously couldn't make myself get up to make breakfast, or the million other things I needed to get done. I just laid there for a good twenty minutes until the Commander said he was hungry.

I trudged over to the kitchen and poured cereal for us both (I with my Cheerios and he with his Honey Nut Chex). I'm not joking when I say this was a monumental task. "Stop being lame! Get it together you pansy!" I mentally scolded myself. Yeah, that didn't work.

I put the baby boss in his crib to play with his toys for a minute while I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. I just wanted to stay in bed and not face the complications and realities of moving across the country in two weeks. It all felt too daunting. It still does.

Thankfully, I was able to get a nap with Jonas, my sweet neighbor sent me some warm cookies, and I'm feeling a little better. But, I would still rather not face reality. Reality is challenging and uncomfortable. But, I know from experience that discomfort brings growth and necessary change. So, I will some how find the strength to go in my bed room and start packing things up. Does some one want to come give me a shove in the right direction?

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