Monday, August 8, 2011

I woke up this morning and knew today would be a doozie. There was something in the air. An almost tangible force working against me at every turn.

It started off with baby boss waking up earlier than usual (never a good sign) and my muscles aching from a work out two days ago (I'm trying people...must...get...in...shape).

I wearily made my way downstairs, playing diaper soccer (with baby boss in tow) as I entered the messy living room. Dutifully, I prepped bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats for Sassafras and the Commander, while simultaneously pouring a bottle for the babe. These seemingly simple tasks required a Herculean effort on my part. I tried to tell my body to pick up the pace, but my body didn't listen (traitor!).

"At least baby boss will go down for a nap in an hour and then I can rest," I told myself. I can not express how much I was looking forward to a nap. But alas, twas not in the cards. Baby boss woke up 20 minutes into his nap. I stood and rocked him, willing him with my mind to go back to sleep, but it was hopeless.

I laid on my bed with baby boss crawling all over me and reviewed the day ahead. A house with a bio hazard of a mess to tackle, laundry out the wazoo, bills to review, a stack of school registration papers for the kids, and so on and so forth...

I drug myself out of bed and started with school forms. I had to make copies of a bunch of docs and started loading them into our copier. But, the copier was having a rough day too and wouldn't work with me. I tried every trick I knew, but the copier continued to be a jerk. "OH, HAPPY DAY!" I thought sarcastically. The Fonze from Happy Days immediately entered my mind (If you are too young to know who The Fonze is...well...Google it). I visualized him hitting the juke box and music magically starting.

"What the heck. I'll give it a try." I summoned The Fonze and kicked the printer. It didn't work, so I stared it down and said, "I WILL MESS YOU UP YOU STUPID PRINTER! (Yes, I actually said it.) I unplugged the heap of junk and plugged it back in. Magic. It worked, slowly, but surely.

Enter the Hubby home from school for lunch. "How are you?" he asked. I started crying. "This day is sucking my soul!" I wailed. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and complaining to the Hubby added guilt to  the burden. Not to mention he informed me there was a mix up with his school funding we've been waiting for. That was the last straw!

I loaded the kids in the car, took them to get a happy meal, and some mommy juice (aka-diet coke) for me (something I am working very hard at giving up). I exited the drive through and pulled into a parking stall to give the kids their food. Just as everything seemed in order, I bumped my mommy juice, spilling it all over myself and the car. "URRRRRRRRRRRGH!" I shouted. I wanted to bawl like a baby, but I didn't have time for a tantrum. I had to register the kids for school before they closed. So I mopped up the mess with a random roll of toilet paper I found in the Burb.

Then, off I went to wait in lines, fill out forms, smile, and nod. Then I took the kids to the library (I promised, pinkie swore in fact, so there was no way out). It was all a blur.

Today I questioned my ability to handle all that is required of me. To manage every part of our household on my own, while the Hubby eats, sleeps, and breathes studying. I feel inadequate to say the least.

I guess that's when faith comes in. But, I'm having a hard time mustering it. Isn't that the way it always goes? When you need it, it's the hardest to obtain.

I'm sure everything will be okay, but right now...it doesn't feel, well, okay.

Wasn't it Journey that sang, "Loving a med student ain't always what it's supposed to be..." Oh wait, that's "... a music man..." well, whatever. Hubby, "I'm forever yours...faithfully."

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain. I was experiencing quite a few of the same emotions today. You can drop your kiddos at my place sometime this week if you need some alone time to decompress :)


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