Guest #2 of the "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO (YOU CAN DO IT TOO)!" series- My sister Katy.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Today's guest blogger in the "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO (YOU CAN DO IT TOO)!" series is my beautiful  sister Katy. She has had a lot of changes in her life over the past year and has inspired me with her strength. Sometimes life gives you challenges you never saw coming, but result in more joy than you could have imagined. My sister's year has been an example of this. So, amidst your challenges remember her story and that YOU CAN DO IT TOO! Here's what she has to say...

When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was in shock. So much so, that when the tech over excitedly said those words “Oh my goodness! You’re having twins!” My response was, “No. I’m not.” I was serious. I wasn’t. I was having one baby, and only one baby. She has to be new. She must have made a mistake.  No problem. Everyone makes mistakes, right? She continued to chatter on excitedly to all her colleagues completely oblivious to her giant error. Why was no one correcting her.? Surely, someone in the room had to be capable of accurately reading the screen.

You see, I couldn’t have twins. I was just not capable. The decision to have one baby was huge for me. I wasn’t mature or patient enough. We didn’t have the money. Call it selfish, but I loved my ME time. I wasn’t even particularly maternal. I was going to have to give up all my hobbies, all my time, all my money, and everything I loved. My house was never going to be clean again. I was never going to cook again. I wasn’t going to be able to work out. I was going to have to turn into an overweight dirty Mom who never showered & didn’t have time to dress herself. I was going to lose all of my friends! I was going to completely screw these kids up. I was going to fail at this big time. Oh man, I hate failing! What had I gotten myself into?

They brought my husband (then boyfriend) into the room and told me to tell him the news. I said “No. You tell him.” She looked at me, justifiably, like I had lost my mind. She pointed to the screen and said “Look. Do you see there are 2 eggs? You are having 2 babies.” I watched the same look of shock wash over his face as I imagined him fleeing in horror. I was going to have to raise these eggs by myself. Then, as immediate as the shock came, it went and a look of pure joy came over his face. I knew that everything was going to be ok. More than ok. I knew our little “instant family’ was going to be wonderful.

I wish I could say that my pregnancy went by without incident. In truth, it was by far the worst period of my life. I was sick for the first 4 months. By sick I mean, I couldn’t move at all. I could do absolutely nothing except go to the ER & the doctor. Then I felt okay... for a month...

At 24 weeks we found out some horrible news. Violet was much smaller than Lucy & continuing to grow at a much slower rate. She had a condition known as IUGR. She wasn’t growing and thriving in the womb. It was caused by a faulty umbilical cord and an incorrect blood flow. I won’t give every little detail, that’s a blog in itself.  We were told that usually in her specific condition the problem was expected to get worse quickly. When that happened she would no longer be able to survive in the womb, and they would have to be delivered. They estimated it would happen sometime over the next couple of weeks. At this point Violet only weighed 15 oz. They sat us down & gave us the not so reassuring news that my girls had a 50% survival rate. If they were to make it, we were looking at a 3-4 month NICU stay with very high chances of cerebral palsy along with many other conditions. I don’t think I need to explain the devastation I felt when we heard those words. We went in for ultrasounds several times a week. Each time with a bag packed, waiting to hear the worst. But the worst never came. The doctors said they had never seen this happen. 

My girls made it all the way to 34 ½ weeks. I went into surgery shaking uncontrollably, more nervous than I had ever been. Lucy was born first at 4lb 4oz and Violet followed 27 seconds later at 2lb 11oz. They both came out screaming, and it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. They were finally here. Tiny and fighting, but they were here.

We took our babies home from the NICU after a month, and the work began. We started our chaotic yet structured life of baby bottles & diaper changes. I came across this journal entry the other day, written (while sobbing) 2 days before the girls were born. “I am not allowed to say this out loud EVER, but please please PLEASE let my daughters survive. Please let them grow. Let them be developed. Let them continue to beat the odds. Let them have a short NICU stay. Let them not be in any pain. Let them enjoy a normal, healthy life. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And please, let me and Brandon have the strength to get through whatever is thrown at us. I will never take these sweet girls for granted.”

So, my life has changed a whole lot since pre-baby days. I am a SAHM, making the transition to WAHM. I love what I do in both of these areas. I’m overcaffeinated, tired, and busy. I have GoGoGo days and adhere to a schedule. I have an occasional meltdown and the thought “I am not going to make it through this day” crosses my mind at least twice a week. But my life isn’t the nightmare I envisioned when the tech told me the news. In fact, it’s pretty amazing. I shower, get myself and my babies dressed every day. I usually even manage to get makeup on. My yoga mat collects more dust than it used to, but we still stay healthy. Instead of one junk drawer I now have 3, but my house is never embarrassing. I still see my friends. I’m not always in the know about the coolest Indy music anymore and I’m going through some serious shopping withdrawal. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for me.


When I wake up in the morning & see two gummy faces smiling at me from their cribs I know everything is right in my world. They reach their little arms out for me to pick them up and I know I’m not completely screwing this up. I’m doing a pretty darn good job. I’m not saying motherhood is right for everyone. I’m just saying I had no idea how well it would suit me. Who knew? These little girls, along with my husband have brought an overwhelming amount of love and happiness into my life. I know I never did anything to deserve the joy that
I feel watching them every day. I’m living a dream that wasn’t even mine, and I couldn’t ask for more.

Sometimes our dreams find us folks. Check back tomorrow for more inspiration and the perfect, child friendly sugar cookie recipe. 

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5 comments:

  1. I'm blinking the tears out of my eyes! This is so sweet!!

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  2. I never cease to be amazed how the Lord knows exactly what we need and the precise moment we need it, regardless of what we want at that time. Beautifully written, Katy.

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  3. I am printing this out and putting it in my journal. I am so glad
    you were able to put this experience in such meaningful words. I love you.

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  4. Beautifully written. I can't tell you how often I think to myself, "I can't do this!". But I also think more often then not, just how blessed my family is to have the opportunity to raise twins. I'm so glad your girls are doing well!

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  5. Thanks everyone. Writing things in your own words is a little intimidating & I'm so glad you took the time to read it!

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